by LS Harteveld
I never invited a man to take our animated conversation to the bedroom. Even when I was completely single, and free to experiment, I never had sex with a man for his intellect. Even if they had been intellectual, I probably wouldn’t have known it, because I felt attracted to them for totally unrelated reasons.
And they to me.
Most men had been significantly younger than me. And one lover over a decade older. To this day I suspect him of being an Israeli spy. I capped having an older lover to this one-time experience. And not just because I feared I would open the secret door to the armory if pushed the wrong button on the oven.
With fluid sexuality being the norm these days, I wondered;
had I been prudish? I had been on dates with nerds, intellectuals, older men, students, and even a woman.
And I rarely beforehand ruled out falling head over heels in love. But my poor rep sheet of who had actually made it to the bedroom, proved my heart had been far from fluid and the kitty further south, had given diversity the middle finger.
And then it hit me. Something that moved this whole diversity, fluid sexuality ideal from the Stuff Singles People Do List, all the way over to;
Bullshit Things Couples Tell Themselves.
First of all, I still don’t rule out having sex with women. Or older men. It’s a fine line between being curious and scarcity. And I know scarcity of sex will make you curious about sex with partners who would not be your preferred choice. And that’s not a bad thing. Given the whole Adam and Eve situation, you may even argue that when push comes to shove, you owe it to your species to not be too picky about this.
But when it came to being diverse the only situation I saw where people stretched their orientation was when couples discussed the options of having sex with other people to keep their monogamous relationship interesting.
But guess what?
The moment a woman has sex with another woman because this is the only threesome her man doesn’t feel threatened by?
A man agrees having another man present because his female partner wants this threesome?
A man allows his girlfriend to only have lesbian affairs?
Your real sexual orientation is this:
IF you are living in the land of plenty, and you can choose to have sex with, or have a relationship with, whomever you want. And that person will accept you with all your quirks, and honor your needs, and be happy for you if you find joy in bedding other people as well, or have second or third relationships on the side;
if that were ALL true, then tell me:
with who would you have a relationship?
More than likely, your sexuality turns out to be as flexible an iron fist.
An unexamined life is not worth living