Do you know how ninety-nine percent of women in relationships,
women who ever had a relationship,
or women who consider to maybe one day get into a relationship,
respond to my presence?
Just in general terms, give it a go.
And this could be either how they respond to my presence in real life, but it could also very well mean how they instinctively respond the moment they hear I exist.
Or even how someone like me, in theory, could exist.
Somewhere, on any of the seven continents or in any the seven seas.
Here’s a hint.
Just imagine you have children and a convicted child molester becomes your new neighbor.
That’s it.
That’s the response.
And you know what?
It didn’t even start when I became a secret mistress!
A situation I accidentally gotten myself into, at a time when I was seriously in love and absolutely certain he’d choose for me.
And then he never did.
I’m glad he didn’t, but that’s a story for another day.
But now that I m here I can see that being a mistress fits me, with my love for secrecy and rebellion.
It certainly has its challenges, but being judged by other women is something I’ve had to deal with all my life.
It didn’t start when I became a mistress.
My ex of fourteen years had to break all ties with me, before his new girlfriend moved in with him.
The new girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend started stalking me, and calling me in the middle of the night.
Another ex-boyfriend called me and asked me to lie to his new girlfriend when our relationship had ended. When at the time he had never bothered to tell me that he had started seeing someone else, and that we were now having a secret affair.
But it’s not just a new girlfriend thing.
If I talk to men decades older than me at a party, their wives drag them away from me.
And the men let themselves be dragged, let’s be honest.
I once saw my lover charm the most beautiful woman in a bar practically out of her pants, and it made me want him even more. I love a man out in the field!
So for me personally?
The less involved a man would be with other women, the bigger our problem would be.
But other women seem to think that the less involved their beau is with other women, the better.
The reason I am currently so aware of this is because I was about to start dating someone new. It’s nothing sexual, I m happy with my secret lover.
It’s just that I have a male circle of friends, and I like the company of men.
And from that perspective, I asked a guy out on a date.
He said yes, but couldn’t schedule within 48 hours, which is my preferred time window for these things.
But he did immediately suggested one week later.
I considered that a good sign, and decided to make an exception. Even though he wanted to see me on a weekday that I don’t easily give away because it seems to be my lover’s preferred day to invite me over.
So therefor this friendship date with this new man, could cost me a night of hot steamy sex.
But I said yes, next week is fine.
Then it happened!
I could just feel him not wanting to see me in a public bar. He brought it casually, and quite suave referring back to something I said I wanted to do. But I could definitely feel the pull there… in his direction.
Yet I insisted on meeting in a public place.
It wasn’t just because of the security risks of going somewhere I wasn’t familiar;
Nor about the risk of giving off the “wrong signal”, meeting him in a less casual setting.
Those things could have been covered in another way.
But I ve promised myself a long time ago, I would always make a point of seeing someone in public. AND in the town where he lived.
His ability to come up with a cover (f.e. that I m someone he does business with), or that he stands up for himself at home (and says he’s free to go out for coffee with whomever he wants), is a test of his worthiness.
Anyway.
I chose to ignore his hints, and in a friendly yet decisive manner I brought our messages back to date, time and a public place. Which he seemed to get along with until then suddenly the final message where I suggested a “where” stayed unanswered.
Okay.
So then when the date came, a week later, I was pretty curious if I would still hear from him. When I didn’t, I texted him, ninety minutes before our date. Lighthearted, carefree.
He responded by calling me with vague excuses and even an accusation why I had not texted him sooner. I gave him a strike three, you’re out.
One – trying to pull me into a secluded environment on our first date.
Two – not answering the final message the week before.
Three – forgetting our date
And four – God! I even gave him FOUR chances?! – making that my fault by accusing me.
Despite his firm assurance that he would contact me for another date, and my own friendly Oscar worthy performance of being nice; all I thought was:
No.
I will never date any man who is ashamed of me, or who forgets we have a date, or who doesn’t even have the decency to call it off.
So although I didn’t know exactly why he had stood me up, I had seen the first signs of his reluctance the week before. I never expected to get more clarity, until, oh hail Facebook, a post caught my eye.
Merely hours before I texted him if we were still on, he and a woman had made their relationship public on Facebook.
Oh.
My.
God.
I know EXACTLY what happened!
week 1.
The day I invited him on a date.
He and his now girlfriend were dating but being the player that he is, he was stalling it. He wasn’t committing, and neither was she. She was probably playing hard to get, or telling her girlfriends she didn’t know if he would be serious relationship material, a good father to their future children, and so on… She pretended she wasn’t full-on interested. But she was losing because it was clear that he too, was not eager to take their dating to the next level.
I called and asked him out.
He knew that she wouldn’t like it if he still saw other women but also, technically, they were not together yet. They had not discussed exclusivity, nor the subtleties of platonic friendships… What was allowed and what wasn’t?
They had both played it safe by beating around the bush and he was about to use the opportunities that offered.
He said yes to seeing me.
But because he preferred us seeing each other not to cost him anything, he wanted to see me at a low risk location. Which I refused and he became less enthusiastic (hence the not answering the last message) but he didn’t cancel it either.
week 2.
The day of the date
In the seven days that passed, she finds out, or he mentions that he’s going on a platonic date with me. She totally flips into “LIKE HELL YOU RE NOT” modus, forgetting all her doubts about him, and becomes obsessed with the idea that at ALL cost she must stop this from happening, and that he must choose for her immediately.
It is clear that the only sign she’ll accept as a sign of his commitment to her, is THE modern day sign of a serious relationship:
The dreaded Facebook status.
It was an example of all those relationships in which my presence plays an important role, even though I m not there. The Idea Of Me appears, and pretty loosely tied arrangements are locked in overnight. Marriages which have been sleeping for years, are suddenly wide awake.
Partners are forced to think about how much their relationship is worth to them.
And at the risk of losing it forever if they make the wrong choice.
It is difficult not to get drunk with power on all that fear. As if I was a powerful witch!
I could see myself as strong as Galadriel in Lord of the Rings:
Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth!
All shall love me and despair!
Just think of all the relationships that went next level because of me. All the couples that married because I galvanized their relationship, at a critical stage.
Even the marriages that were getting stale, and that suddenly turned into exciting things that could go either way!
All because of the high pressure pot of women forcing their man to choose for them.
And to forever turn their backs on me.
You’re welcome.
<3LSH
An unexamined life is not worth living
Greetings from a powerful witch will be published in my new book:
Big Mistress
confessions from the other woman
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