Of wolves and men

51743227_2336615246389520_2815920536536743936_nSometimes I forget how much you know.
Do you know I fell into the arms of an evil American?
At a vulnerable moment of my life.
And how I swore I would never EVER date married men, men with girlfriends or otherwise unavailable men again?

Men who play with your heart, and with your panties, and who defend themselves with “it’s complicated”.
Well, I was right about one thing;
Staying away from men who are involved is an excellent idea.
Especially when you re emotionally under the weather, you should lay low and regain your strength by choosing men of high moral standard.
However, there is a chance that one day, like me, you find yourself facing one of them wolves again. The predator of fairy tales, the one who ends up cut open or on the bottom of a river with stones in his belly but not before he has done a whole lot of damage.
That one.
And that you like it.
You like it a lot.
You do not want to see any harm done to him!
And you remember the promise you made to yourself to protect yourself. But then you realize you are not the same woman you were all those years ago. I’m no longer vulnerable, by any standard.
I’m in my prime, and emotionally probably stronger than I will ever be.
And longing for a worthy opponent….
“Let’s go to your place,” I said. “I can use some TLC.”
I remember telling my friend Damian how good this man was. He knew exactly how to lighten those first uneasy moment with a few jokes, how he showered me with compliments, and slowly but steadily started to heat things up. Until I was doing things that went a whole lot further then tender loving care.
“Are you telling me this came as a surprise?” Damian asked.
It was indeed strange that I had expected anything different. Of course he was great at seducing women, that was the whole point.
And never ever think a wolf would force you to do anything!
He thoroughly despises men who violate women. He charms you until you want him with the same eagerness as he wants you.
And then I broke it all off:
“Okay, let’s back off here for a moment.”
I was overwhelmed by everything I felt for him. My layer of coolness was being peeled off as easily as my underwear. I wasn’t ready to get involved here. Giving in would mean a second downfall, I had to make a run for it.
And I did.
It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t because I didn’t like him, but the problem was: I couldn’t afford him.
2015 will be the year I will finally publish my books, and I have raised the bar for teaching yoga as well. I don’t have time to find out if I can or can not defeat the wolves at their own game.
But I m calling it a tie and moving on.
At least until I get bored again. 

An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

The Wolf Always Wins

This post Of wolves and men was originally sent out as a newsletter, early 2015.
It was the first time I wrote about the man, who would become my lover.
And I was right: I couldn’t afford it in 2015.

Because I didn’t publish my books until 2017, and my yoga career did not take off and ultimately I cancelled my yoga studio in 2018.
So in the end 2015 was remembered for being the year Mr.Big became my lover. And I don’t regret it at all.
Because in my fairy tales, The Wolf always wins.

Of wolves and men and will be included in my upcoming book:
Big Mistress

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