Categorie archief: English posts

My Year with Kat – How one woman can change your business and your LIFE. For free.

51wqFgHu9eL._UY250_If I have regrets it’s that I didn’t know Kat Loterzo 18 months earlier, which was when I first stepped onto the marketing path.
But maybe all those other freebies, coaches, paid programs, books, and spending hundreds of euros on Facebook and Google ads were necessary to truly appreciate Kat.
Maybe it really takes throwing away one and a half year of your life, and wasting a king’s ransom rebranding your yoga studio, with marginal results – zero if you compare it to the costs I made to get those results – before you listen to the message of someone as LOUD AND OUTSPOKEN as Kat Loterzo. Who says it comes down to one thing.

And one thing only;
You being YOU.
A message so radically different than anything that calls itself marketing, no one will believe it.
Not unless you have hit rock bottom and learned the hard way that being the good girl, doing your studying, mapping out your packages, and knowing your ideal clients “better than they know themselves” (I m not making this up!) – that all those things are going to do absolutely nothing for you.
Let me type that again, Kat style!
Ab.
So.
Lute.
Ly.
NOTHING!
That it will only result in the way I spent last year’s holidays, decluttering my expanding collection of marketing materials. I almost overlooked the few things I had in there from a new coach. Kat Loterzo. 
Or Katrina Ruth, which is her new name. She rebranded herself about a month ago. 
This new coach Kat Loterzo, was just a few A4s in my marketing folder. And at that time she was so new, I didn’t feel I had to make a decision on her.
So I stored them, and more or less forgot about it until I watched a two hour YouTube video called 
2017 Manifestation Training
And I was mesmerized.
In retrospect it was the moment I fell in love with her. Although unwittingly.
One year after giving her my email address, and the Christmas sorting my marketing materials, I can now see how important she has been this year.
And that I ll spend this Christmas confidently clearing out the entire marketing folder, except the material I got from her.
Unsubscribing for all newsletters and leaving all communities, excepts hers.
And Kat will change your life too, before the year is over if:
1. you start feeling rebellious the moment someone tells you something should be done a certain way in order for it to work
2. you either have your own business or you would love to have one
3. you know which activities light you up from the inside
If you score three out of three (no cheating!), then Kat is your woman.
You can join her Facebook page here, or subscribe to her YouTube
Last week I made a few important decisions.
To focus on yoga, to write for yoga, to message for yoga, to make a living out of yoga, and to keep my LS Harteveld writing as a hobby. And had the two most focused, and satisfying weeks of the year. And two clients returning to me.

But it’s not the money that was coming in that made me so happy.
Kat was allowing me to be me. To listen to my heart and to speak my true message. I could feel that energy flowing through me.
Needing little sleep.
Being fully confident.
Then something incredibly sad happened in her Inner Circle. She posted a video about it, as she always shares what’s going on in her life. It was about someone I didn’t know, but I felt for her. She gave us an account, so we could donate money for a gift, if we felt inclined to do so.
I hesitated.
It was not someone I knew and I didn’t have a budget for expenses like this.
Then I said to myself; 
“If I get a new client, before the day is over, I m going to donate to this gift Kat wants to buy for their friend.”
I wrote three different blogposts and hustled my ass off.
When I came home from teaching I found an email from yet another returning customer, taking me up on the offer for the yoga studio.
I just wired the money to Kat.
She earned it.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

My Year with Kat – How one woman can change your business and your LIFE. For free.
was originally sent out as a newsletter 8 December 2017

and will be included in my upcoming book:
I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

Four new books coming soon: 
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2018
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW – confessions and columns
3. Big Mistress – life and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The subscribe button to my newsletter Secrets is somewhere on the page,
probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin
diary English
Dutch/Nederlands blog

My diaries en erotica are available at my BOOK SHOP
of NL pop-up shop: Bestel je LS Harteveld direct bij mij

Coaching (women only)

60 minute session, Zoom call or phone call                  $ 125 | € 110 
six sessions, valid 6 months maximum                          $675 | € 600

application 

write a short email to info@lsharteveld,
how I can help you.
If it appeals to you, let yourself be inspired by the question: 
“If I can be, do or have anything I want, who would I be?”
If you live in another timezone, please let me know where you are, and at which times you could make it for our call. (I’m on Amsterdam-time, CET)
Then I can check my schedule.

If you want the maximum out of our time together, consider writing me an email before every session, on how your week went! 
Or keep a daily log, and send it before our sessions.

Conventions and presentations (business only)

Mail your request, with as much background information as possible 
to info@lsharteveld.nl
Prices for professional appearances start at €1000

The book, the guy and the filing cabinet

56fce34df43cbc13279d924dc987ea18--painted-file-cabinets-organization-ideasMy mother got me the most unusual gift. 
At least I haven’t heard of anyone ever intentionally acquiring one of these. And it’s not something that ends up in your house without serious intent and commitment!
I ve never heard of anyone putting one of these on their wish list or owning one. Aside from my mother and her parents before her.
I don’t even know of business owners owning them!
And I know a lot of small business owners.

What my mother got me was; a metal four-drawer filing cabinet.
(not the one on the photo – that’s how mine would look if I would invest in painting things so they look nice!) 

She had purged her archives and one of her four metal (grey!!) cabinets had become available. 
There was only one condition: I had to arrange for it to be carried up the stairs of my apartment. I probably have to give my firstborn to ever compensate my friend for that favor but it was worth it.
Since yesterday, I am the proud owner of my very first, metal, fire-resistant filing cabinet.
Which in 2017, a time of collective decluttering, Marie Kondo and minimalism, feels absolutely ancient. 

I felt we were hauling a Second World War relic up the stairs.
I also received about two hundred folders, but you can also store ring binders, photo albums and diaries in there, without putting them in a folder.
“That should be enough to get you started,” my mother said when she gave me the box of folders.

At which the friend who was helping me responded;
“You can now compartmentalize your life into two hundred separate bits.”
How neat.
So no, I m not short on folders. But I can tell you, that cabinet? It’s FULL. Not a 100% but only because I haven’t stored or sorted through still-to-be-processed photoprints, didn’t file my correspondence in there and didn’t include my photo negatives, nor the four kilos of children’s drawings my mother returned to me.
Now that I had a cabinet, I was old enough to file my own drawings.

Although there is too little room to store everything I want, the result is phenomenal.
I can now take Facebook’s memory feature “What happened X years ago” to a whole new level. 

I can show you what I did on this day 26 years ago! 
My diary, my agenda, my photo album, my folder with souvenirs; 
I can see it at a glance!
And I happen to know, that 26 years ago something HUGE happened; I met Benjamin.
I know exactly where it happened, and yet there is almost nothing that reminds me of it…

Someone took a picture of me at the event, and it coincidentally had him on it as well. That’s all that remained.
All other evidence got lost.
I know there was a paper trail surrounding the event and there is also one agenda missing. It’s the one agenda I threw away. Maybe it was in an effort to be normal and to get rid of an agenda as soon as the year had past. Or maybe it was because I knew exactly how important it was and therefor I wanted it destroyed.

Fifteen years later I started to reconstruct our history, in the Dutch novel Mango.
I kept on writing which became in the English book Dutch American Diary.
For six, seven and ultimately eight books, I wrote about Benjamin. And after their release, I created one collective work: 

Het Boek Benjamin (The Book of Benjamin)
For whatever paper trails and agendas I destroyed, whatever log I failed to fill out and whatever diary entries I didn’t make;
In the end the story of Benjamin produced more written evidence than all of the four drawers of my filing cabinet combined.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

The book, the guy and the filing cabinet was originally sent out as a newsletter 30 August 2017
and will be included in my upcoming book:
I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

The subscribe button to my newsletter Secrets is somewhere on the page,
probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

pop-up shop: Bestel nu je LS Harteveld boeken

My diaries en erotica are available at
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

new books

I’m in the process of publishing my new books:
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2018
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW – confessions and columns
3. Big Mistress – life and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Porn King

James+Deen+Stoya+Canyons+Premieres+Venice+Q49L_LKLhV0lEvery time someone asks me how my summer is going, I answer:
“I m not going anywhere”. 

No days off or weeks on holiday.
And yet, I have this feeling I m overlooking something, because I feel as if I just got back from a 7 week surfing holiday in the bay of Biscay.
I clearly must be overlooking something…
And then it hit me! Of course! I ve started on my sexual bucket list with Mr.Big and his performance proved to be above any expectations. 

“You’re now dating a porn king,” a friend said. 
It was a compliment that at the same time indicated I shouldn’t be making any plans. Porn kings are not relationship material. Yet the thought rooted in my brain, and developed a whole new line of thinking.
First, let me admit I made a mistake, dropped the ball, neglected my defenses, that sort of thing:
I told Mr.Big I m in love with him, and that I would make him mine the moment he leaves his wife.
Uh oh.  That’s two things you should not do if you want a chance at winning or even surviving dating a player: To show your weak spots AND share your strategy.
But I did mean it.
The sexual bucket list hardly ever came to table with the other men, in the eight years I had been dating. I had started to believe that garden variety sex was all there was.
I used to have so much more potential and Mr.Big reminded me of that.
And to then think that in the beginning I resisted him!
I refused to answer The Call of him and me becoming lovers.
I remember a conversation, very vividly, where I told Biggie I would not date him because he was a “Major League player”, and would break my heart, and so on.
Until I went home and thought;
“Wait a minute!! I have devoted 8 years to my love life and sex life. And then I finally meet a worthy opponent and I say boo hoo hoo, you’ll break my heart?
Then for what have I been training?
If I m not ready to date in the Major League, then which woman is? I can’t possibly let a 20 year old take my place!”
So I went back in, faced Mr. Big, and said:
“Bring. It. On.”
And he did.
And a few months later, we were doing things from my bucket list.
Sure I wanted him to be my man; Who wouldn’t want to put a ring on that.
But when someone said:  “You’re dating a porn king,”
Followed by: “You’re his equal. If you want, he’ll keep you on as a mistress, regardless of his other relationships.”
The friend said not to underestimate the power of the forbidden;
Our affair had the potential to last a lifetime.
And I had never thought of it that way.
I had always approached it as a game, where the last woman standing would win. And me admitting my feelings to him, was not well played, but that our affair could result in a life long tie? I had never considered that.
For days, I kept thinking about it. How were we playing this game? Where were my advantages, and my weaknesses?
I reconsidered the role of his wife.
I had always seen her as my opponent, but now I saw it was a lot more complicated than that. That her presence was actually working for me, not against me. She was keeping him cornered. Sure, Mr.Big could still move around, and enough to fit in a secret mistress.
But nevertheless, his range of motion would be far greater, if he didn’t have his family to attend to.
If she was taken out of the game, he would be set free, and there was no telling for which team he would be playing or in which hoop he would score.
Secondly: what do I want out of this?
Contrary to Mr.Big I am extremely good with relationships. They’re harmonious, cozy, fun. And this goes for all my relationships. I have excellent credentials.
Yet what I want out of this, more than anything, and what Mr.Big is offering me where all the others failed, is a sexual partner in crime to work down that bucket list with.
To make up new things.
Of course I would love to really get to know Mr.Big, but I have a far 
better shot at getting what I want (great sex) if I leave the whole relationship theme out of it.
Porn King.
You’re his equal.
And that’s when it happened. That’s when the whole King and Queen dream came right back in, as the relationship between the biggest porn stars:
Stoya and James Deen.
Just think about it: who else are they going to date, right? Who would hold up?
Who else would be equal?
Suddenly I saw that seeing a relationship with Big as impossible, or him as too difficult, was just as chicken as backing out to date him. I am his sexual equal and have that impressive rep sheet of 100% harmonious relationships. If I m not ready to have a relationship with him, then who is?
I m in it to win it. I m gonna work the whole field, score in the right hoop, and if the court is cleared, and the new match starts, I won’t retreat but step up and say:
Bring. It. On.*

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

* note from the author:
Porn King was originally sent out as a newsletters on 8 August, 2015
and will be included in my upcoming book:
Big Mistress
Looks like my friend was right though, because it seems we’re still playing the same game!
I never became his queen.
PS: The first two years of our affair, including a story “the Bucket List” can be found in my book: 

Big, diaries and erotica

And the subscribe button to my newsletter Secrets is somewhere on this page, probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

My diaries en erotica are available at
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices + free shipping Netherlands *

If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

*  Nederland: tijdelijk geen verzendkosten en keuze uit het volledige oeuvre (10 boeken!) Gebruik code ONESHIP bij het uitchecken –

new books

I’m in the process of publishing my new books:
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2018
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW – confessions and columns
3. Big Mistress – life and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

Best. Sex. Ever.

big-carrie2I wrote my first erotic story in English!
I m stepping up my game, obviously.
But this is a story that could use the English abbreviation;
TMI
Which means: too much information.
So unless you’re that gay friend who has agreed to listen to all my gore, you have never heard this story.
Because I would never bother you with this.
You re all respectful mommies or struggling daddies (oh yeah…maybe we should tell them poor daddies) and the idea that in a parallel universe women like me have great sex with married men is not something that would deepen our friendship or family bond.
Or that I actively long for the sexual acts that are potentially an endless source for domestic quarrel?
Not helpful.
But maybe after reading the story The Biggie(it has been published in my book Big) you will understand why I need this.
Why sex is so very dear to me.
Why fooling around mindlessly will never be my thing, but neither will settling down and choosing a lifelong partner.
Because I get something out of this.
There is a theory that the more imagination you have, the more love has to offer. 
Yesterday, King’s Day in the Netherlands, I spent the entire day writing erotica, instead of going out. And I judged it to be one of the best holidays ever. That’s what I get out of it.
I have exciting sex, and then I relive it, again and again. I turn it into great stories that I can cherish as my personal memories for ever.
A short while ago I saw Mr. Big again, the lover from the story. There was very little time, and because every sexual encounter of ours has this horrible aftermath (in which we break-up) I judged it unwise to have sex. One hour does not outweigh days of drama. It has to be worth it.
Naturally Mr.Big did not agree and did everything in his power to make me change my mind.
It didn’t work…. And just as he had given up, and he was accompanying me to the door, we passed his bedroom door. Now it’s his condo – his wife doesn’t live there.
But still I found the bedroom a very private matter and I didn’t want to think about who had slept there. Maybe even recently.
He looked at me and said:
“Oh you’ll see it one day. But only after you’re stripped from your last thread of fabric.”
I nearly broke right there and there, hungry for a new adventure.

Best. Sex. Ever. Part 2: The Opus

Nick: How’s your new book coming along?
Catherine: It’s practically writing itself.
~Basic Instinct

It took a while before I recognized it. Sure! I knew writing my first erotic story in English was more difficult than Dutch. And autobiographical erotica was more challenging than plain diary writing. Nevertheless, because my story The Biggie was “merely” erotica, I didn’t really label it particularly positive. I suppose part of me still hopes to evolve into Elizabeth Gilbert who after writing Eat, Pray, Love, settled down with a husband which such vigor that she now judges all her previous romantic involvements as being a waste of time compared to what she could have established if she had focused on her own mind, feeding her spirit.
In all fairness, she was talking about her love life as a teen, but in my opinion that makes it even worse. Out of all my love affairs, the ones I had as a teenager were the most precious. I would never wish to trade that for having read more books, visiting more museums or for speaking fluent Mandarin.

But despite the unlikeliness of ever becoming a serious novelist or self-help writer, I was a tat disappointed that it was yet another sex story. That after writing 22 of them in Dutch I was apparently still not satisfied, still not settled down, and still not Elizabeth Gilbert.   
Bummer.
Until the second story came, Credit.
Just like The Biggie I didn’t write it until weeks after “it” happened. Unlike the events in my diaries, sex seems to take more time to digest before I can put it to paper. More time to transform it into a real story. Where regular diary writing is about everything you do in daily life, giving it a build-in liveliness, erotica is only about sex. For me anyway: I’m not a firm believer in writing three books about one 20 year old confused virgin and one late twenties even more confused millionaire. (I came half-way book 2 of 50 Shades of Grey by the way. Holding the record in my circle of friends.)
Lacking the variety of topics of a regular diary, and not aspiring to become adult novel lengthy – the erotica needed time to condense, to boil down, until all the air and water were removed and with just a little bit of seasoning (also known as “fiction”) the right story came along.  Which brings me to the number one Frequently Asked Question:
Lauren, is it all true?”
Like all my work, and I suppose every author who works autobiographical, the exact order of things is different, the dialogue 50% fictionalized and the setting completely fictional.
In “Credit” we go on a business trip.
As in “abroad”, business trip.
Come on!
Everybody who knows me is aware that I have not been able to leave even the city (because of a sick cat) for over half a year. How on earth could I end up with Mr.Big in London?
So there you go – 100% fiction.
But the general message that is conveyed, is true. There is a man who is having unauthorized sex with me, and I am growing as a lover. Over eight years ago I became single and I can honestly say that this is everything I ever wanted. Not only when it comes to who Mr.Big is (which is a secret), or what we do (which is well documented), but in particular with regard to who I am. Sex is my most important personal development tool, only to be matched by writing.
The hours with Big are both my tool for learning, and my test if I am where I want to be. And even the rest of the “relationship” we have (which means all the awkward communication and will-he-call mind wrecking insecurities) are food for thought and adjustment. I really cannot believe Elizabeth Gilbert expected to learn anything about herself without romantic involvement.
My two biggest breakthroughs have been that contrary to what I have been thinking over the past 8 years, I really do not need a lover “to be there for me”.
Instead I take full responsibility for my problems and issues.
His obligation towards me are to keep things exciting, and to be in a good mood when we meet. Since I got clear on this, we haven’t had problems since.
So there I am. At the peak of Maslow’s sexual pyramid together with a man who I wouldn’t have dared to date 20 years ago, 8 years ago, or maybe even four seasons ago.
I’m with someone (when I feel romantic I secretly think “the only one”) who can fulfill every sexual fantasy I have, and charge it with the magic of being in love. And after 8 years of writing (yes, 8 too) I am an experienced diarist, in both English and Dutch, and a skilled erotica writer.
And that’s when I saw it:
The stories 
The Biggie and Credit amalgamate all my writing experience, all my self-reflection, but also eight years of dating and single sex. It’s everything I learned and achieved, and I can develop it in conjunction even further.
So unless things with Big end prematurely, there is a good chance this series will become the best work I will ever write*. My Magnum Opus, just like Eat, Pray, Love was Elizabeth’s Gilbert’s opus.
And then when this is finished I all have a whole new chance at becoming Oprah’s best friend again.
Although by then, I will be completely blissed out and will probably have stopped caring for things like that.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

* note from the author:
I did continue writing and The Biggie and Credit became the first stories of what I do consider my Opus indeed;
Big, diaries and erotica

Best. Sex. Ever. and The Opus were originally sent out as a newsletters on 28 April and 6 June, 2015 
and will be included in my upcoming book:
Big Mistress

The subscribe button to my newsletter Secrets is somewhere on the page,
probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

My diaries en erotica are available at
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices + free shipping Netherlands *

If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

*  Nederland: tijdelijk geen verzendkosten en keuze uit het volledige oeuvre (10 boeken!) Gebruik code ONESHIP bij het uitchecken –

new books

I’m in the process of publishing my new books:
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2018
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW – confessions and columns
3. Big Mistress – life and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

19 in 1991

61id7dm4b6L._SY679_It wasn’t like the summers we have nowadays, with an extended warm spring and the rain setting in half-way July.
Not like this year, where every half day of sunshine is compensated by torrential rain, and you start using central heating before the holiday ends and school begins.
It wasn’t anything like that.
There are pictures of the hot day I moved out of my parents house, sun lit pics posing in front of my new house, happy.
Bright hanging trees on my introduction camp from University 
and a group photo with a radiant 19 year old me beaming between all the shorts-wearing boys from my class.
I would develop a crush on almost all of them, yet by Christmas the feelings were gone.
They didn’t stick.
I met the love of my life, and it would take me a whole year before I recognized him as such.
I met my muse, a man I still think about frequently. Yet it would take me 14 years before I started writing about him.
 It’s been 20 years and I know that sometimes the significance of something, or someone, is not clear at the moment itself.
 I left the love of my life a few years ago, he is now living with another woman.
And I never saw my muse again.
Since two months I have a boyfriend, Valentijn. It’s my first relationship since I became single in my mid 30s.
 Valentijn is young, ambitious, figuring out his life. Yesterday he had his first day of his higher education.
 New people, new girls. The first day at college had been a true peak experience, and one he wanted to share with me, so he called me at night.
 From the two of us, he’s the romantic one;
 Ensuring me he wants me to be part of his life, not to worry, not to compare, and he hugs me and tells me to have faith.
 Yet I know, there is no way of telling what is significant, or who.
 But he’ll know that 20 years from now.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

19 in 1991 was originally sent out as a newsletter 31 August 2011
and will be included in my upcoming book:
I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

The subscribe button to my newsletter Secrets is somewhere on the page,
probably on the right.

Follow on Facebook or Twitter,
NEW connect on Linkedin

My diaries en erotica are available at
my BOOK SHOP
25% discount on all prices + free shipping Netherlands *
If you check your cart, you can select your store
f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

 Nederland: tijdelijk geen verzendkosten en keuze uit het volledige oeuvre (10 boeken!) Gebruik code ONESHIP bij het uitchecken –

new books

I’m in the process of publishing my new books:
1. Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2018
2. I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW – confessions and columns
3. Big Mistress – life and sex advice from the other woman
4. Blote Kont- verhalen over mannen, macht en dagjes uit (Dutch)

The best way to receive updates on when these books are ready is to follow this blog. The subscription button to this blog is on this page, probably on the right.

I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

tumblr_lz2qhqxqa81qfgkudo5_r1_250

{ originally posted in 2016 }

” I ain’t changing my show.”

ll give you the options. They just told me that there’s been complaints. That there are simulated orgasms, blah, blah, blah. It’s against their rules and regulations.”

“I am not changing my show.”

“I know you’re not, but can you wait five minutes for me to straighten it out?

“What’s to straighten out?”

Hopefully we can change their mind.”

” All you have to do is tell them I’m not changing my show.”

Madonna right before the Toronto concert,
from the movie Truth or Dare

The most frustrating thing about reorganizing your business, about choosing your target market, and doing market research, is that 98% of your work will be the wrong direction, will be eliminated, will be obsolete and a dead-end road, no matter how great it looked.
And only 2% will lead to the next step.
And then that too will not work out and your work starts all over again.
The past few days have been the most frustrating experience ever.
So the 2% that looked promising were:
Yoga for professionals, leading to
Yoga for entrepreneurs, leading to
Yoga for men, leading to
A DEAD END ROAD
Dead end road because I would have to stop writing under my sexy pen name because men are unable to focus on yoga if they think of sex all the time, requiring a reversed coming-out on my pen name persona.
This was something a man who would have be my dream client (had it been a sales conversation) pointed out. And it made me realize that he was right. He was right that my writing was a problem if it hadn’t been for one little tiny detail.
(I m gonna yell now)
MEN HAD ALWAYS BEEN A PROBLEM
Not all men. Most men had not. But if there had ever been problems, it had been a man, and it had been because I was a woman.
Years and years before I had my coming out as a sex writer.
In fact, it has not happened since!
So yes, I was irritated when he said I would have to hide “her” again.
But especially since I realized that even if I did that (which would be spiritual suicide) it would never be enough!
I was by definition the wrong person to target middle aged heterosexual newbies.
And if I traced my steps back this was also an obstacle to yoga for entrepreneurs, and yoga for professionals… I was so on the wrong track.
72 hours, and I had absolutely nothing to show for.
Back to the drawing board.
But I couldn’t let it go… not something that I had been so excited about. I love men 40-60! And I can understand perfectly why they refuse to start yoga, if it means taking group classes between singing bowls, women, and Patchouli scented candles.
In one last attempt to make it work, I mused over all the things I would have to do in order to create a neutral, yet powerful and success driven studio, with strong professional boundaries and an impeccable reputation.
1. Move to a fancier studio (starting at four times my current rent) or specialize in house calls.
2. Invest in a killer wardrobe.
3. Stop making cheesy Madonna videos.
4. Stop using these childish Crazy Sexy Cards.
5. Kill my pen persona or at least ban her to the darkest corner of the internet and swallow the key.
In short: I would have to give up everything I love about my work, love about my life, and sell my soul to the devil in exchange for a still not guaranteed baseline income.
And I knew I would hold this against all my future clients.
I had not changed a thing yet, yet I already felt resentful to the bone. I hated them for making me hide my identity, reversing my coming outs, and undoing any and all personal development of the last 25 years, so that yoga would be something they could digest from a teacher that didn’t confuse them with mixed signals.
But more, much more than this tribe of imaginary future clientele, I hated someone else;
I hated myself.
For being a coward. For backing out. Lying. Pretending. For having shame that I liked Madonna, Crazy Sexy Cards, sex, and teaching yoga.
And that I loved my terribly modest but incredible cosy basement studio.
You can’t please everyone, that is for sure. But you don’t need to. In fact I think the idea of doing something to please someone else is probably the root of all evil. For the reasons as mentioned above.
You re giving away power and you will hold that person accountable.
You will create grudges and will stop growing as a person, if you behave inauthentically in order to please someone else.
It’s always better to be resented for something you are, than to be loved for something you re not.
So they’re all welcome; the burned out professionals for relaxing yoga.
The skeptical entrepreneur to find the meaning of life.
And the heterosexual yoga newbie who wants a Rock Star package.
But it will have to be with me. Exactly as I am.
I ‘m not changing my fucking show.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW will be included in my upcoming book:
I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

To read new posts and updates follow Twitter;
Facebook 
or subscribe to my diary HERE

NEW  connect on Linkedin

BOOK SHOP
Gives a 25% discount on all prices
Select your store f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.

I’ve switched species

3a_3b{ originally written in 2017 }

Ever since I became single, I ve jumped down the rabbit hole and have been kind of surprised that even after ten years, it’s still a mess. Year after year, the thought grew stronger that I really needed to get my shit together.
Act like an adult.
Get organized.
PLAN – to stick with, not to then do something completely different.
Get some sort of control over my life.
Less than a year ago I still aspired this. I wanted to have a balanced life with a smooth running business, which I’d manage in a few hours of strategic desk work to then emerge a peaceful, poised example of a yoga teacher to my students. I would be like the always friendly smiling Marie Kondo of yoga teaching;
I had culled my life from all things chaotic, rooted out any disruptions, and lived my perfect yoga life.

I would also do ninety minutes of yoga every morning. Without checking Twitter or Facebook in advance.
Well okay, just Twitter then.
I really expected to be able to minimize my life and be off at four every day in order to, and remember the coach who said this; “Shower my babies with hugs and kisses”
That’s what adults did!
They managed their shit.
They didn’t get up in the morning promising herself she could touch her computer just a wee bit, to write a tiny little Facebook post. And then still be there at 4 pm, naked in a bathing robe, with coconut oil dripping down your face from your hair mask. That was entirely unprofessional!
For at least a year, but probably longer, I fought to get it right. Until one day, late December 2016 I discovered a coach who was something completely different. She didn’t organize, create, plan. She didn’t play by the rules, because she had been so long in business there were no rules when she started. Oh, and then there was that year when she did learn how to do things properly?
Know what happened?
She ended up a 100K in debt.
Hitting rock bottom made her return to what she had always done. And what she knew best; to do it her own way. Except this time, she really went all in and just UNLEASHED.
Oh. My. God.
It’s a good thing she has nannies and self-confessed has “reached the point where I don’t even know how to operate a washing machine” because unleashed does not sound like a safe condition to welcome the children home with.
But boy, does it sound exciting!
And yes, I know what she means.
She now laughs at coaches who teach you how to run your business in part-time, so you can have more time off.
“Time off of what? Your life?”
One time she was working in the lounge of a W Hotel. At 2 am she unplugged her earbuds, looked up from her laptop, and realized she had just spent four hours making sales, promotions, and creating content. And now everybody around her was dancing and the disco balls were flickering.
She had been pushing her multi-seven figure empire from the W night club.
The biggest mistake I ever made, was thinking I needed to slow down to gain control. There is no control if you are truly passionate about what you do. I tried quitting writing, in order to get around to publishing my books.
I literally felt like I had it nailed!
NO MORE WRITING!
Know what happened?
I started making daily YouTube videos, started organizing and reposting all my blogging, launched a video training for mistresses; And a year long program for my yoga studio.
In other words; while I was holding a firm lit on my writing, needing both hands, right behind me the fountain of creativity just EXPLODED!
Sometimes I think I ve switched species, ever since that coach.
It’s literally as if I am a whole new person than in 2016. Or as if the engine is already at six times more power, and the rest of me is still trying to keep up!
It’s so scary, but it’s such a big thrill.
And I understand why I was doomed to fail, at all those well-meant business advice formulas, and all that professional advice. You can’t tame, plan, smooth out or minimize something that can only be UNLEASHED.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

I’ve switched species  will be published in the first English book under my real name:
I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW

To read new posts and updates follow Twitter;
Facebook 
or subscribe to my diary HERE

NEW connect on Linkedin

BOOK SHOP
Gives a 25% discount on all prices
Select your store f.e. Nederland or United States
with the flag in the upper right corner.