Categoriearchief: White Tigress

White Tigress – sexual Mastership for solitary women | episode 1 Are you a White Tigress?

the-sexual-teachings-of-the-white-tigress-9780892818686_hr At my first day of yoga teacher training we learned;
“Yoga has no rules.”
Which would be my first message to you;
The White Tigress has no rules.
Madame Lin from the original White Tigress book, claims that her mission will be accomplished if a woman gets as little as one useful piece of advice from this Taoist cult.
Contrary to Madame Lin, I can’t claim to be a part of a secret society of sexual connoisseurs. Nor did I receive any guidance from a real Tigress. I have no other knowledge than the book The White Tigress, by Hsi Lai and Madam Lin. And I rarely apply it.
For me the biggest value of the book is not its content, but the concept. That there even is such a thing as a spiritual sexual path for solitary women. And that you can aspire it, in the same way others aspire to get married. If you invest the same amount of energy and dedication in creating a solitary sexual lifestyle, instead of investing it into a significant other, there are no limits to how stunning your life can be!
The White Tigress seems to be the first role model for single women. Being single has been treated as an in-between state where you could spend your whole life hoping a man would come along to upgrade your status to join the army of women who are supposedly “successful”. And this waiting would be considered entirely normal.
But I think it’s refreshing to get a different take on this.
How would you feel about going solitary?
With a sex life and as many lovers as you please?
There are many ways to benefit from the legacy of White Tigress and her self-care regime if you’ve been married for thirty years. Or if you’re the Virgin Mary herself.
You could practice the rejuvenating yoga exercises from the White Tigress book, and keep your sex life entirely out of it.
Or you could apply the wisdom of the White Tigress within your relationship.
In January 2017, I started writing posts/ notes on my White Tigress Facebook page. They covered relationships as well as the taboos around women and sex.
But it was not very inspiring to write these general posts to which a wide variety of women were supposed to relate. And to unravel all the snags of the White Tigress. And worst of all it was not appealing to strong, single women, who were ready to become a White Tigress.
So for this guide I’m going to keep things really simple, and focus exclusively on women who are eager to become a White Tigress.

Characteristics and challenges

You can become a White Tigress if you;

– are single
– are open to the idea of staying that
– want to have sex, while being single
– want to develop your independence and your personality

The latter is a lot easier being a White Tigress, than if you have the sought after couple status. Because a relationship is the perfect basis to externalize problems. Instead moving inward and solving a problem by yourself, something that would make you grow.
For example, let’s take the situation where you find out your partner is cheating on you.
This is in 99.9% of the cases the perfect reason to default to the victim role, and sulk there for the rest of your life.
When there are so many interesting questions you could be asking yourself.
Like;
Did you want someone else, and did you deny yourself that?
And if you did, why?
Are you connecting your self-worth to how your partner’s behavior? And is this hurtful because you think you’re not good enough?
Why is your partner not entitled to privacy and not allowed to have his own life? You’re not a dictator to whom he is accountable, right?
So it’s not that you can’t grow within a relationship, but it’s not our first response. Painful situations are usually brought to an imaginary flash court. And the one who is not guilty? He or she doesn’t have to deal with it. Being a victim is a carte blanche to never check where you have failed to take responsibility.
In a relationship it’s incredibly tempting to hold a partner responsible for both the problem, as well as the solution. And this process exists for good reason, and I do mean other than that it’s gentle on your ego.
The reason is that the system/ the pack/ the relationship, does not profit from individual growth or even individual change of any kind.
If your partner has cheated on you, and you assume the victim position, the relationship has a chance to survive. If your partner is depressed, and you obediently stand next to him until he recovers, again, the relationship has a chance of surviving. It has been stabilized. But as soon as you start developing yourself, as a response to the other, or independent of (the stagnation of) the other, the house of cards that is your relationship immediately starts to waver.
This mechanism, where what is beneficial for you is not good for the relationship, is a major delay in your personal development.
But when you are single, this danger of having to sacrifice your relationship, doesn’t exist. And there is no other way than dealing with your problems yourself. There is no one else to blame, nor is there anyone to rely on for support or company.
This is true for every Saturday night alone on the couch, or for dreary Holidays. And for every morning-after, groggy and sleep deprived, not knowing if you’ll ever see him again.
But from now on you have a choice;
Either you give into being needy and you text him, and wait for him to validate and comfort you. And with that you create the foundation of an emotionally dependent relationship.
Or get yourself together and think; Fuck it. I’m growing here. If I nail this, I’ll be stronger the next time around.
But realize that the morning-after is probably one of the most difficult things to deal with. Which is the reason I prefer to date during day-time or to get home before midnight. As long as you’re not super comfortable in your Tigress’ skin I would not recommend one nightstands with day-after backlash.
But having said that, every moment you’re alone or insecure, is a chance to get into your White Tigress role. And as soon as you start seeing it a challenge that is part of being single – just like awkward Christmas dinners with the in-laws are a part of being a couple – the tide will turn. You have put yourself in charge.
Although I want to avoid this guide from getting too much into the Hows, because the biggest change is a mindset one and not in how you act, I will give a recipe for these challenging moments, when you’re alone at home and not the brightest condition. The moments when you’re convinced that only a man can save you.

Morning-after recipe for depleted Tigresses

1. acknowledge it
Cancel your to-dos, and turn it into a me-day to replenish.

2. do things that give you energy and don’t take too big a toll on your health or perhaps your wallet.

For example, I love playing with my notebooks and diaries. And I always feel better after I cleaned my house. I know of women who bake a pie or make a big pot of fresh soup.
You can go see a movie, go out for the day, or visit a museum.
Make a list of activities that energize you, where you can choose from when push comes to shove.

3. make a plan or start a new project

I’ve started all my books and Life Changing Projects when I felt the urge to regain control over my emotions. Do you know the movie Julie and Julia? It’s about a young woman who goes on a challenge to bake a classical French cookbook in one year. She needs to get two recipes done a day. With live lobsters, complicated desserts, the whole shebang. She blogs about it, and it’s a true story.
Projects like these are nourishing for the soul. Soon enough you’re no longer thinking about the backlash of your bender, nor of your insecurity if he’ll text you or not.
And if he does he’ll only be welcome if he is a culinary adventurer. Just like you.

Which path will you choose?

I believe both a single life, as well as a relationship, can be abused as a way to get your validation from outside yourself. But that you can excel in both of them as soon as you take responsibility for your emotions and stop looking for solutions outside of yourself.
Which path you choose is a personal choice, but unfortunately until now only the path of the couple, is being laid out for us.
So it’s not really a choice.
Little is known about the alternative, a solitary life. And this goes in particular for the sexual part of it. It is a mystery.
The next chapters are about the sex life of the White Tigress. Who her Green Dragons are, what a Jade Dragon is, and what kind of sex the White Tigress engages in.

<3LSH
An unexamined life is not worth living

This was the first part of my White Tigress guide.
Episode 2 and 3 will be published this week at the LS Harteveld Facebook pagina
and on Twitter.

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White Tigress Notes; The Tigress Breaks Free (White Tigress story episode 3)

madonna_ig_840 In episode 1, I shared my personal history, and how I became phobic of sex.
In episode 2, I explained that becoming a White Tigress is actually a calling.

By the time I was 26, I was deep into my second long term relationship, and my sexuality was barely alive. I was living in Australia, in what I would call a post-Victorian setting. No one was supposed to have sex especially not teenagers. They were allowed to drive, unsurprisingly usually like maniacs, and on Monday the news started with all the parties at parent’s places that had escalated. So they seemed to be inventive enough to find ways to let all that bottled up energy out. The relationship with my partner was great, but he wasn’t doing well. Sex was high on our least likely things to happen list.

And believe it or not, but that’s pretty much how it stayed for another nine years. Who wants to leave a partner under those circumstances right? And especially since I felt responsible for burdening our sex life with our phobia from day 1. I gave it a rocky start, mentally, although aside from that the first 6 months had been awesome and I loved him very much. I was convinced that once he started feeling better, we could figure out the sex thing again.

Ultimately I broke up with him. Saying I wanted to fall in love again. Have sex for the first time again. This was the truth, but still, I felt like we could have made it work, if he had gotten himself together. This was entirely unfair. Not just to make a partner responsible for your sex life (one of the many reasons I don’t believe in monogamy as an agreement) but also because I realize now that falling in love, and having first time sex, is my natural sexual orientation. That’s what I live for. Just like I still loved him because those first six months had been so much fun.

To trick myself, and him, into thinking that if we (as a couple) could ever come up with a relationship that was going to satisfy my need for lovers, new experiences and single life excitement? That was cruel. It was unintentional, I didn’t have that kind of clarity back then, but nevertheless. I never wanted a relationship. The reason we had one was because of the phobia and not being able to deal with being single.

So even though I didn’t fully understand the reasons we had failed, I did quit eventually.

I can’t say I “left” because we stayed together for another two years, because that was housing wise the best solution. It was really nice, living together as the brother and sister we had become ever since our Australia days. We even kept sharing the same bed, for the first year anyway. Those two years were the icing on the cake for me, because now I didn’t have to worry about “fixing” him, and was free to start meeting new men and go for that ideal of falling in love again, and the excitement of first time sex.

But before I went there I first had to unlock the door to the aids phobia closet. And let the demons out.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

Although I initially intended to write more, Episode 3 ended up being the final episode to sharing my personal story. I do have more White Tigress Notes, and together they make a nice collage of what I call my explorative work; an investigation of the boundaries of sexual freedom, and the (social) practicalities of becoming a White Tigress.

note from LS Harteveld;
I’m publishing my books The Wait Worth 8 and for the final leap, I m going ALL IN. So I won’t be writing new material, for two to three weeks. In the meantime I will repost these White Tigress Notes – which were created at Facebook earlier this year.

My White Tigress teachings are based on a book by Hsi Lai and my personal journey.
You can like the White Tigress page on Facebook, or sign up for my new official White Tigress blog at; White Tigress Lair

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White Tigress Notes; The Calling (White Tigress story episode 2)

6b7925d24fd704c39544431b8c07a958 In episode 1, I shared my personal history, and how I became phobic of sex. In this episode I want to put the path of the White Tigress in the perspective of other spiritual paths; one that starts with a calling.

Calling or call, is a word most commonly used for someone who enters priesthood, or enters the monastery. And for a very long time, the decision to become a servant of God, was the only alternative to starting a family. That, or becoming an old spinster should the family option not succeed.

What strikes me though, is that although in theory women’s emancipation has provided us with unlimited options, they’re rarely taken with the same determination as a real calling. How often have you heard anyone, commit to any personal journey, that is not a marriage and kids type situation? How about “never”? Want to know why?

Two factors here; a. Maybe people don’t get the call b. Because the call is almost always ignored.

Read Joseph Cambell, who wrote the Hero’s Journey;

Refusal of the summons converts the adventure into its negative. Walled in boredom, hard work, or ‘culture,’ the subject loses the power of significant affirmative action and becomes a victim to be saved. His flowering world becomes a wasteland of dry stones and his life feels meaningless—even though, like King Minos, he may through titanic effort succeed in building an empire or renown. Whatever house he builds, it will be a house of death: a labyrinth of cyclopean walls to hide from him his minotaur. All he can do is create new problems for himself and await the gradual approach of his disintegration.

From this description, you can derive its characteristics. You are hearing your call (or calling) when;
– you know that if you don’t face this, your life will be meaningless
– even though you may succeed (in other’s people’s eyes) you will always be aware of the Call you ignored.
– you will build a protective wall so that the call cannot bother you
– and within those walls you will spiritually die.

How many people do you know who have built their protective shell, with signs of status and success or even a family, when you know they are profoundly unhappy? I bet you know a hell of a lot more of them, than those who’ve joined the convent or served some other calling.

All those castle builders, family men and empire holders chose the comfort of being socially accepted and successful, over their calling. Some break free at a later age, when the suffering has become unbearable. And we laugh about the middle aged men trying to be young. Or about the women in their forties who dye their hair red and join African dancing.

When the truth is; their midlife crisis is the first attempt to answer the call they abandoned. To find their way back to meaning and joy. And some get calling when they become ill, suddenly right back in line with what it is they came here to do. Some after a burn-out.

So what I want you to understand is this: rarely ever, does anybody go on a quest to become a master of his or her life, in alignment with their destiny, unless the current situation has become absolutely unbearable. Either by slow spiritual death, mental agony or acute existential fear.

I consider The White Tigress to be a calling. It requires you to look all social conventions right in the eye, and to be prepared to live without society’s approval.

Sex is viewed in 99% of the cases, either as a leisure activity, comparable to going for a drink. Or as relationship glue. And the remaining 1% is where it is viewed as a spiritual path for couples. Rather ever is it viewed as a spiritual rich path for singles, nor is single sex (as in not in a relationship) ever identified as a source for longevity and vitality.

On the contrary. I remember exactly when I found my zest for life, as a single. I was 17, heartbroken, and aids phobic. Yet over the moon when I discovered there were many men to kiss and cuddle. My energy levels soared and my anxiety attacks were under control most of the time. But within a year my female friends at high school expelled me from their group and I also got comments from grown-ups as well. I couldn’t take the loneliness, especially since the fear was never gone. I decided I needed to go steady. So I did.

I ignored the Call of that single year of sexual abundance. Instead I built my castle. By the time I was 25 my relationship was more or less sexless. But I didn’t feel it anymore.

My once flowering worlds had become wastelands.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

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White Tigress Notes; Drowned Cub (The White Tigress story episode 1)

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THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES… starts with a single step

If I think of ALL the information I want to share, all insights I may still be missing, all angles and layers and perspectives there are to be covered and understood in this matter, the idea of building this new life’s work, this EDUCATION, is almost daunting.

But I know I want to do it, with religious conviction. The White Tigress – a name I borrowed from the Taoist cult The White Tigress because it resembles most closely what my message is – is my Magnum Opus. The legacy of a ten year journey. Although when I started in 2006, it all seemed a lot smaller and a lot more personal.

On the surface it wasn’t that big a deal. I had experienced one three year, and one fourteen year relationship. I was 34, and I desired some adventure. There were no children to be split, nor did I have a desire for children. It was a peaceful parting.

But under the surface, much deeper and darker waters were stirred. Because of course, there had been a reason I had chosen the relationships, over fooling around at a young age. A stage when it is in most circles more or less accepted that you experiment and stay single. The reason was simple yet unbelievably real; aids.

I had my first period in the early eighties, right when aids was discovered. We had lived in Africa, and I knew immediately I had been at risk there. Not at risk as in;
“I had no idea how aids was distributed, and in my childish mind I exaggerated.”
But at risk as in;
”That ball of cotton wool with Iodine the school nurse used, was used for the whole school!”
I m a bit of a cry baby, and this had served me. Because the second time I came there for treatment and she reached for it, I said it hurt too much and I got a disinfecting spray from a can. One exposure less! But my Africa background had put me at risk before my first period, and before anybody knew anything.

And that was before sex education dug its filthy claws into me.

For those of you born after 1985 let me give you a little background info on the eighties; It is generally viewed as the most depressing, gloomy decade since the second world war. There was financial success and gain for some, and lifelong unemployment for many. If you graduated in the eighties, you had studied to be on welfare, and would be lucky to find your first job at 35.

Next to this grim employment market we had Thatcher in England, Reagan in the United States, and the cold war was peaking into an arms race on one hand, and anti-nuclear demonstrations on the other. With its bright and neon coloring, the eighties were a decade that looked fresh on the outside, but it was a desperate era and a spiritual wasteland.

And that was before the first footage of aids patients surfaced. I will not even begin to describe how an aids patient looked like those days, but suffice to say that if your job was to educate people on how to prevent getting the virus, the absolute fucking last thing you needed to do was to scare them even more. The. Absolute. Last. But like I said; it was the eighties. It was not the time nor the place for subtle messages, so they printed brochures where the word aids was written in blood, deep kissing was advised against because it could not be excluded as a potential risk, and oral sex was dangerous. And I know I said it was written in blood, but it was actually blood spatter. As if Freddy Kruger would come get you if you had unprotected sex.

Aids became the same stick pregnancy had been before;
A way to beat all sexual freedom out of a whole generation.

But then something happened. And I m still not sure how this was possible, but I think it must have had something to do with all the other teenagers already being hardened from all other misery and agony they were confronted with each day, because NO ONE got the message. I have not had a single girlfriend, or boyfriend, who gave safe sex a second thought. They were all immune to the indoctrination, and the mental abuse that sexual education was in the eighties. All. Except of course; one.

And she went into hiding.

<3LSH
An Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

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