Gay men are judged, for being promiscuous whoring creatures indulging in unnatural sex. Usually the criticism comes from normal men, who are merely promiscuous and whoring, and save the unnatural sex for a female partner. Lesbian women too, are judged. The fact that they set up their own party, makes men say the cruelest things. And that they rather buy their sperm by the bottle, instead of with the smelly half-ape it came from, doesn’t improve the relationship either. The third minority prone to discrimination (omitting bi- and transsexuals and transvestites, in favor of clearity) are older men who date younger women. The root of this discord is that the monkeys were counting on the Silverbacks to grow flabby arms and prostate problems, and now they actually have to accomplish something for themselves in order to get to the girls. Bokito is not giving up his hard earned right to the juiciest chicks, and the biggest bananas.

On June 10, 2008 I discovered that I liked young men, although at the time I thought it was just one pretty faced incident that walked into my yoga class. I was paralyzed. And that moment, when you feel your heart being drawn out of you, into the hands of a reckless 19 year old, you see your life passing by you. But when after a few months of staring, stuttering, flirting and no, not fucking, you find you are still breathing, you realize being borderline pedophile is a condition you can still grow old with.

Fortunately for me, the cougar virus, first spotted in America a short while before, was spreading and successfully conquering the continent one cub at a time. A cougar is a woman of at least 35 years old, dating a cub, a man 7 years younger or more (preferably more). Our age gap was more than 16 years. We qualified twice over.

After the initial horror of desiring the barely-legal, I stepped up to play the part of cougar. An empowering choice! I transformed from being a victim of my heart (or more South perhaps), into a predator who could choose between kill or kiss, between suck or bite.  Depending on how much I liked what I encountered, and how old it was.

Eager to test the sturdiness of my new identity, and up for a fight, I stepped out of my cage and became very vocal about my preferences. But the alpha male that owned the gym where I taught my classes, just petted my mane and told me to go for it. My friends all asked how they could be me. And all the straight men wanted to have sex with me even more. Okay, that last bit shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

Four years and four cubs later (yes, fucking), I realize that being a cougar is, by all means, a sexual preference. Even though I am not excluding a whole age group beforehand, I know what I like: flawless cheeks and a strong jawline, a clear voice asking intrusive questions, big Bambi eyes playing innocent after breaking my spirit. After the initial scare, I’ve come to like my heart in the hands of someone young. He only plays and doesn’t go for the kill. Wounds heal quickly, love heals all, it’s all very Disney.

But I would appreciate a little more opposition. I would like to be chastised for seducing innocent men to have unnatural sex with someone twice their age. For going for the hardest bananas and the juiciest tricks. Because your reprimands would confirm what even Disney knows: That it was never a monkey, that was king of the jungle.