by LS Harteveld
I m not a group person.
Ever since my college years, I have seen groups as somewhat of a nessecary evil. And in an equal number of cases, as unnecessary. And therefor evil. And yet, despite me being super opinionated about it, I never saw myself as not being a group person. Because I have done okay, functioning within social structures.
I never had trouble in school, or college, and I have about a dozen friends who I see regularly, and one friendship that exceeds all others. With my best friend Marieke.
Sometimes I can even flat out shine and sparkle in a group, as if I m a celebrity. I don’t consider myself an introvert of any, ANY kind!
Because that seems to be a trend.
After men who were real players saying “I m actually very shy” we now have loud, ballsy women, claiming to be introverts. As if being introvert stopped having anything to do with how you interact with the world.
The strongest evidence I m not a group person, is that I prefer, NEED, nourish and defend my inner world, way more than my social life or status.
And with my best friend leaving, I find myself thinking:
What do I want next?
A few weeks back I did some research on narcissism. For a few very dark days of my life, I actually believed I was “one of them”. But although I carry a lot of their traits, the ones that made me dismiss the whole notion of having a narcissistic personality, were that a narcissist does not feel empathy – whereas I can cry when someone tells me a story of something personal.
And a narcissist would wither away if he would not have other people to give him his validation. Whereas I find myself absolutely needing solitude, as in being in my house all by myself, for a bare minimum of 16 hours a day.
Now I have social media of course. But – as addictive as they are – they are basically how I choose to run my business. Social media are a blessing for working hermits! We can be home alone, with our own coffee, and taking care of babies or in my case a cat, and all we have to do to get shit done, is ignore the red notification bullets on Facebook. That’s WAY easier that trying to ignore your boss, your colleagues, or social etiquette. This new millennium is the age of the Hermit, who loves to work solitary.
But as far as friendship goes, I m not sure what’s up next for me. I haven’t committed to any dates, not with women friends, not with men, for the week after my friend has left. Maybe I ll keep going for last minute arrangements, just like I always do/ did with her.
“Want to go for fries tonight?”
Although I don’t feel a need to keep going for fries, but you get the idea.
The only thing that really, actively, appeals to me, is seeing more men. Because men are totally different to me, and to my friend. Having more man dates would be a new, invigorating phase in my life.
One I m even prepared to leave my house for.
An unexamined life is not worth living