At my first day of yoga teacher training we learned;
“Yoga has no rules.”
Which would be my first message to you;
The White Tigress has no rules.
Madame Lin from the original White Tigress book, claims that her mission will be accomplished if a woman gets as little as one useful piece of advice from this Taoist cult.
Contrary to Madame Lin, I can’t claim to be a part of a secret society of sexual connoisseurs. Nor did I receive any guidance from a real Tigress. I have no other knowledge than the book The White Tigress, by Hsi Lai and Madam Lin. And I rarely apply it.
For me the biggest value of the book is not its content, but the concept. That there even is such a thing as a spiritual sexual path for solitary women. And that you can aspire it, in the same way others aspire to get married. If you invest the same amount of energy and dedication in creating a solitary sexual lifestyle, instead of investing it into a significant other, there are no limits to how stunning your life can be!
The White Tigress seems to be the first role model for single women. Being single has been treated as an in-between state where you could spend your whole life hoping a man would come along to upgrade your status to join the army of women who are supposedly “successful”. And this waiting would be considered entirely normal.
But I think it’s refreshing to get a different take on this.
How would you feel about going solitary?
With a sex life and as many lovers as you please?
There are many ways to benefit from the legacy of White Tigress and her self-care regime if you’ve been married for thirty years. Or if you’re the Virgin Mary herself.
You could practice the rejuvenating yoga exercises from the White Tigress book, and keep your sex life entirely out of it.
Or you could apply the wisdom of the White Tigress within your relationship.
In January 2017, I started writing posts/ notes on my White Tigress Facebook page. They covered relationships as well as the taboos around women and sex.
But it was not very inspiring to write these general posts to which a wide variety of women were supposed to relate. And to unravel all the snags of the White Tigress. And worst of all it was not appealing to strong, single women, who were ready to become a White Tigress.
So for this guide I’m going to keep things really simple, and focus exclusively on women who are eager to become a White Tigress.
Characteristics and challenges
You can become a White Tigress if you;
- are single
- are open to the idea of staying that
- want to have sex, while being single
- want to develop your independence and your personality
The latter is a lot easier being a White Tigress, than if you have the sought after couple status. Because a relationship is the perfect basis to externalize problems. Instead moving inward and solving a problem by yourself, something that would make you grow.
For example, let’s take the situation where you find out your partner is cheating on you.
This is in 99.9% of the cases the perfect reason to default to the victim role, and sulk there for the rest of your life.
When there are so many interesting questions you could be asking yourself.
Did you want someone else, and did you deny yourself that?
And if you did, why?
Are you connecting your self-worth to how your partner’s behavior? And is this hurtful because you think you’re not good enough?
Why is your partner not entitled to privacy and not allowed to have his own life? You’re not a dictator to whom he is accountable, right?
So it’s not that you can’t grow within a relationship, but it’s not our first response. Painful situations are usually brought to an imaginary flash court. And the one who is not guilty? He or she doesn’t have to deal with it. Being a victim is a carte blanche to never check where you have failed to take responsibility.
In a relationship it’s incredibly tempting to hold a partner responsible for both the problem, as well as the solution. And this process exists for good reason, and I do mean other than that it’s gentle on your ego.
The reason is that the system/ the pack/ the relationship, does not profit from individual growth or even individual change of any kind.
If your partner has cheated on you, and you assume the victim position, the relationship has a chance to survive. If your partner is depressed, and you obediently stand next to him until he recovers, again, the relationship has a chance of surviving. It has been stabilized. But as soon as you start developing yourself, as a response to the other, or independent of (the stagnation of) the other, the house of cards that is your relationship immediately starts to waver.
This mechanism, where what is beneficial for you is not good for the relationship, is a major delay in your personal development.
But when you are single, this danger of having to sacrifice your relationship, doesn’t exist. And there is no other way than dealing with your problems yourself. There is no one else to blame, nor is there anyone to rely on for support or company.
This is true for every Saturday night alone on the couch, or for dreary Holidays. And for every morning-after, groggy and sleep deprived, not knowing if you’ll ever see him again.
But from now on you have a choice;
Either you give into being needy and you text him, and wait for him to validate and comfort you. And with that you create the foundation of an emotionally dependent relationship.
Or get yourself together and think; Fuck it. I’m growing here. If I nail this, I’ll be stronger the next time around.
But realize that the morning-after is probably one of the most difficult things to deal with. Which is the reason I prefer to date during day-time or to get home before midnight. As long as you’re not super comfortable in your Tigress’ skin I would not recommend one nightstands with day-after backlash.
But having said that, every moment you’re alone or insecure, is a chance to get into your White Tigress role. And as soon as you start seeing it a challenge that is part of being single – just like awkward Christmas dinners with the in-laws are a part of being a couple – the tide will turn. You have put yourself in charge.
Although I want to avoid this guide from getting too much into the Hows, because the biggest change is a mindset one and not in how you act, I will give a recipe for these challenging moments, when you’re alone at home and not the brightest condition. The moments when you’re convinced that only a man can save you.
Morning-after recipe for depleted Tigresses
1. acknowledge it
Cancel your to-dos, and turn it into a me-day to replenish.
2. do things that give you energy and don’t take too big a toll on your health or perhaps your wallet.
For example, I love playing with my notebooks and diaries. And I always feel better after I cleaned my house. I know of women who bake a pie or make a big pot of fresh soup.
You can go see a movie, go out for the day, or visit a museum.
Make a list of activities that energize you, where you can choose from when push comes to shove.
3. make a plan or start a new project
I’ve started all my books and Life Changing Projects when I felt the urge to regain control over my emotions. Do you know the movie Julie and Julia? It’s about a young woman who goes on a challenge to bake a classical French cookbook in one year. She needs to get two recipes done a day. With live lobsters, complicated desserts, the whole shebang. She blogs about it, and it’s a true story.
Projects like these are nourishing for the soul. Soon enough you’re no longer thinking about the backlash of your bender, nor of your insecurity if he’ll text you or not.
And if he does he’ll only be welcome if he is a culinary adventurer. Just like you.
Which path will you choose?
I believe both a single life, as well as a relationship, can be abused as a way to get your validation from outside yourself. But that you can excel in both of them as soon as you take responsibility for your emotions and stop looking for solutions outside of yourself.
Which path you choose is a personal choice, but unfortunately until now only the path of the couple, is being laid out for us.
So it’s not really a choice.
Little is known about the alternative, a solitary life. And this goes in particular for the sexual part of it. It is a mystery.
The next chapters are about the sex life of the White Tigress. Who her Green Dragons are, what a Jade Dragon is, and what kind of sex the White Tigress engages in.
An unexamined life is not worth living
Je kunt de Nederlandstalige gids Witte Tijgerin voor €5 kopen via de Feeks (online of in de gezellige winkel in de van Welderenstraat, Nijmegen) of direct van mij als je yoga bij me volgt.
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