It’s been 8 months since I made a time capsule and I m resisting the urge to reread the last one. But I could see the photo (a vision board photo of a business woman with red lipstick) and understood the general gist of the post.
About finding a business or success identity, no doubt.
It’s not that it didn’t stick, it’s just that all my Lauren Harteveld work has been marginalized over the winter. I let it because I just didn’t know what to do with it. I have three Lauren Harteveld blogs, but only use the third one with the exception of brief outbursts on this one you re reading right now (a blog that doesn’t give out notifications and you can’t subscribe to it, which allows me to write as often as I like without feeling I m burdening people), and an occasional burst of enthusiasm on my Dutch blog.
For years I ve only been using my third blog, and by now I only use it for two things:
Letters to my creativity coach and diary entries from Lauren 1997.
All other topics and series, things I started in the Covid years, have fallen by the wayside.
Lauren 1997 is my performance art project, where I identify as if I am Lauren Harteveld in 1997, which is a double challenge. Because not only am I in reality 25 years older, and reality looks quite different now. This is already two things, I realize now: My body/ me is 25 years older AND the world has moved on 25 years.
But let’s count that as one.
And then the second challenge is that Lauren Harteveld is an alterego. I am not, Lauren Harteveld. At least not on paper. But I FEEL more Lauren Harteveld than I feel “real me”.
There is a Dutch movie from 1981, High Heels, Real Love (Dutch trailer below post) where a CEO goes undercover in his own company because he envies the comradery of the workers.
He starts a relationship with a woman who works at the cafeteria, and the whole situation gets very explosive when in he also compliments her in his real identity as CEO.
Under his alterego, he challenges his real self to a duel.
The movie ends with him choosing his alterego identity over his real life.
And I remember a similar case, although only vaguely because I didn’t watch the show, but it was a British television program where you learned a new profession in a relatively short time, and went undercover as a professional or as a trainee, with a new name.
There was one candidate, I believe his new name was Mike and his new profession bouncer, who stayed in his new role.
He refused to come out because he liked his new life better, where nobody knew who he really was.
There are some aspects I would love to keep from 2022: I love blogging for example, and that didn’t exist in 1997.
I can be a writer in 2022 without anybody’s help, and I can write a lot. I don’t have to go through the process of editing and cleaning up an entire novel: I blog, I write multiple time a week and instead of cleaning up the old I write something new.
Under my real name I have now decided on a structure for my work, by taking it online. And although I never planned to be so rigid, and to no longer have a real-life professional life as an independent, once I had decided on taking all of my art online and stop being available as a professional in the real world. it clicked and I m now very happy with it.
It is as if my real self is only an avatar, a virtual identity.
And the full creative freedom I now have under my real name, is unprecedented and would not have been possible in 1997.
So I like that.
But the irony is that as the months went by, and my mission and work became clear, I grew quiet here. LS Harteveld got quiet, even though as always, this is the most important part of me.
The reason I grew quiet is because I desire to remain unknown here.
With my work being online under my real name, I do not want the paths to cross, and I write as little as possible. I only use the third blog, and only for Lauren 1997 diary and my letters to Sara, the two must-dos.
The diary, because it IS the performance project. Writing Lauren’s 1997 diary is the closest thing to being Lauren.
And the letter to my coach is my way of preparing for our call and communicating with her.
But it feels strange to not write more for these accounts, of LS Harteveld. And if I could choose an identity, I would choose to be LS Harteveld or Lauren 1997, and drop all my work under my real name and give it to her instead.
I think I am LS Harteveld, undercover in my real life.
An unexamined life is not worth living
ABOUT TIME CAPSULES
My time capsules are a written out collection of things that I have come into contact with, and that will influence my art.
The project is Inspired by Warhol, who created one time capsule (box) a month, collecting physical objects.