1994-me, also known as 2019 me; Throw your sex and love life brilliance onto me| publishing journal day 7

To explain why the chapter I just found,

Rocket Queen | “1994”: fanfic inspired story episode 5

from the 1994 retro diary*, made such a big impression that I chose the above title;
It is because I am in the exact same situation I was in, in 2019, when this Chapter of the retro diary was written.
Worse, really, because it is even longer ago my lover and I were dating.
We did keep in touch initially, but just like in 2019, by now it is clear he has not been able to show up for us.

I feel as powerless now, as I did in 2019.
But reading how, in 2019, I let 1994-me rise to the occasion documenting what we had had, giving words to it, in order to hold on to it in an internalized form, like a treasure that was now mine to keep, and that would be my starting point for a new relationship with a new man, or even for a renewed relationship with him;
Those discoveries, were promising.

I’m making it too wordy here. The 2019/1994 Chapter is an easy, cute, and insightful read.

The part I loved most, because I had forgotten it, was when I concluded that in trying to document the recipe of our amazing sex life, something we had been “sporting” for four -and-a-half years before he stopped seeing me and things ended up weird, just they are now another four years later-
that it (the great sex) could not be seen separately from the emotionally risky and unpredictable relationship we had developed!

“Our mysterious undefined relationship, had been a prerequisite in order to do the consent play I intended to write about,” the diary says.

And: “I need to start remembering.     
Start becoming.             
Start embodying that bold virgin that asked him for an encounter over coffee, at a café December 1989.”

Rocket Queen | “1994”: fanfic inspired story episode 5


~Lauren/LS Harteveld
An unexamined life is not worth living

* An About section, on this diary project, has been added to the bottom of this post.

since 2018 my official blog is: https://laurenharteveld.com/
This is also where I write my Lauren 1998 diaries.
Plus letters to my coach Sara.

publishing journal is a stand-alone project, written on my oldest blog, which has software I do not master (explaining the light grey or blue color of the links; I cannot (yet?) change this);
And it also does not have a “Subscribe” button, nor would I know how to install one.

But you can follow publishing journal on

This blogpost was about the publishing process of

A letter from a stranger  
diary 1994 – 1996
including book 2, Dear Nikki

There are currently (I may have missed a chapter, which will be added as we go)
13 chapters in book one “A Letter To A Stranger”, 1994-1995,
and 22 chapters in book 2 “Dear Nikki”.
So with my resolution of giving this project one hour a day, I should be able to share the entire 1994-1996 diary* with you before the end of January 2024.

And it is expected to be for sale March 2024.

The books I’ll be publishing next are:
1.Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019

All my other diaries and erotica are readily available in my BOOK SHOP

* ABOUT THE DIARY 1994-1996

In summer 2019, I started keeping a fictionalized diary, as a 25 year old younger version of me. Events that happened in 2019 found their way into the diary, translated to their late 20th century reality.
And I also absolutely, intended to LIVE, like it was 1994!
But this is a hard thing to do, I feel I am still (2023) learning there…. but that is my endgame;
To LIVE like it’s the turn of the century.

It was/is an amazing project, and to this day I consider the diary entries it produced on my main blog, my best and certainly my most interesting work, because it combines performance art (living in the 20th century) with diary writing, leaving ample room for fiction.

In 2021, I harvested the diary posts I had so far, with the intention of creating a published diary out of it. Two actually, volume 1 and 2, but I decided to put them in one bind.
But I abandoned the project in spring 2022, losing complete touch with the project….

December 2023, I have picked up publishing this amazing work, of vintage erotica.