Straight to the chapter:
Contrary to what I expected, it is not the work of reviewing these diary entries, written in 2019 as a 1994 diary, that is “a lot of work”, confronting or requiring constant prioritizing.
The work is almost doing itself.
From day one of starting this publishing project, and keeping a publishing journal, a habit which I intend to keep for all the books that come after this one;
This project seems to have been blessed.
So even rereading the posts about my 2019 breakup, and just in general, reading about those last auspicious months before the pandemic, is not something that particularly challenges me.
What is, are the blogposts that are in between, that do not belong to this project.
The first two days, I included them on my way. I would see if they accidentally belonged to this project, as in that they were diary entries from Lauren.
But mostly I would update the text, adding paragraphs and spacing, and replaced the fully outdated footer that contained a YouTube channel took down, books I never intend to publish, and a series under which banner I no longer write.
But soon I found out this would become the bottleneck of this project, if I kept doing that.
That if I want to finish publishing this diary early February (having updated all chapters before the end of January) I cannot be in any way emotionally invested in all the non-diary chapters that were also written between December 2019 and Fall 2021.
I have to let go, and let those blogposts wait for their turn to be published into a book.
But the glimpses I saw, illustrated that this project, of living as if it is 25 years ago and writing the diary accordingly, has been chosen by me repeatedly, with the resolution to go all in, do it in a more serious way, block out the current day digital reality, and so on.
With very little result, I must say. Because otherwise why would you have to choose and promise yourself you really are going to do this, over and over again?
It is tempting to see in it, a failure.
A failed project, that does not live up to its promising start, or that hampers going from idea to execution.
But I don’t see it that way, and rereading today’s chapter I understand why I don’t mind that over the entire time period from summer 2019 to December 2023, where we are now, I constantly had to remind myself to live in the past, and get it right this time.
Because, as today’s updated diary entry, where Lauren gets sidelined by two men
Welcome to the jungle | “1994” series
yet does not feel particularly disheartened by it, illustrates that the only thing that ever matters, is that you stay on the field, and stay in the game.
And I am.
An unexamined life is not worth living
* An About section, on this diary project, has been added to the bottom of this post.
since 2018 my official blog is: https://laurenharteveld.com/
This is also where I write my Lauren 1998 diaries.
Plus letters to my coach Sara.
publishing journal is a stand-alone project, written on my oldest blog, which has software I do not master (explaining the light grey or blue color of the links; I cannot (yet?) change this);
And it also does not have a “Subscribe” button, nor would I know how to install one.
This blogpost was about the publishing process of
A letter from a stranger
diary 1994 – 1996
including book 2, Dear Nikki
There are currently (I may have missed a chapter, which will be added as we go)
13 chapters in book one “A Letter To A Stranger”, 1994-1995,
and 22 chapters in book 2 “Dear Nikki”.
So with my resolution of giving this project one hour a day, I should be able to share the entire 1994-1996 diary* with you before the end of January 2024.
And it is expected to be for sale March 2024.
The books I’ll be publishing next are:
1.Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2.I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
* ABOUT THE DIARY 1994-1996
In summer 2019, I started keeping a fictionalized diary, as a 25 year old younger version of me. Events that happened in 2019 found their way into the diary, translated to their late 20th century reality.
And I also absolutely, intended to LIVE, like it was 1994!
But this is a hard thing to do, I feel I am still (2023) learning there…. but that is my endgame;
To LIVE like it’s the turn of the century.
It was/is an amazing project, and to this day I consider the diary entries it produced on my main blog, my best and certainly my most interesting work, because it combines performance art (living in the 20th century) with diary writing, leaving ample room for fiction.
In 2021, I harvested the diary posts I had so far, with the intention of creating a published diary out of it. Two actually, volume 1 and 2, but I decided to put them in one bind.
But I abandoned the project in spring 2022, losing complete touch with the project….
December 2023, I have picked up publishing this amazing work, of vintage erotica.