This is the chapter of the diary* I edited today:
Take that one to heart | “1994” series
(with new 2024 art work/ picture)
And although that post has a different title than this publishing diary – “Take that one to heart”, a title inspired by Guns N’ Roses lyrics, a feature all chapters from the first volume of the diaries have – its title could have been “Ass sitting hours budget”!
Because the conditions the entry in the (faux) retro diary* was written under, are exactly the same as the conditions today.
A struggling feeling, knowing that although I wish my task was to write – and I most definitely wish my life was made richer by the physical presence of the men I was and am in love with!- there is no other conclusion than that A. well they’re obviously not here. The situation of the diary is repeating itself January 2024.
And B. The only thing missing from my writing career is becoming consistent in publishing my material. Absolutely not, in writing it.
And besides, if I have learned anything it is that the only thing I am really interested in writing about, the only aspect of life where I think:
“Yes Lauren! You do that better and in a more interesting way than others!”
is writing erotic diaries.
Now you always need pages (diary entries) that are about the story, to give the sex context.
But with my last time sex being one year ago, January 2023, there really isn’t any story that I should write about or keep track of, other than what actually happens in the real world, in real life, with the men I am in love with.
The “Slash” persona (from the retro diary) disappeared from my real current day life when the location we both occasionally visited, stopped and he did not pick up on our contact, even though he has my number.
And I have never initiated contact with a man who is in a relationship, not “even” for friendship, and in fact never intend to initiate contact with men, period.
And Bear, or Mr.Big as I call him in the 21st century, has gone through lengths to remove himself out of our affair.
With writing being an entirely obsolete activity because there is nothing to write about, what I should focus on is publishing.
And worry about how I will spend my ass-sitting budget, as the 1995 diary entry calls it.
How can I cut hours behind at my computer, so that I can add publishing hours without totally wrecking my health.
And judging by the 9(!) hours of sleep I needed last night, and the horrible headache I have today, I am not even close to the finding the most economic way to spend them.
An unexamined life is not worth living
* An About section, on this diary project, has been added to the bottom of this post.
since 2018 my official blog is: https://laurenharteveld.com/
This is also where I write my Lauren 1998 diaries.
Plus letters to my coach Sara.
publishing journal is a stand-alone project, written on my oldest blog, which has software I do not master (explaining the light grey or blue color of the links; I cannot (yet?) change this);
And it also does not have a “Subscribe” button, nor would I know how to install one.
This blogpost was about the publishing process of
A letter from a stranger
diary 1994 – 1996
including book 2, Dear Nikki
There are currently (I may have missed a chapter, which will be added as we go)
13 chapters in book one “A Letter To A Stranger”, 1994-1995,
and 22 chapters in book 2 “Dear Nikki”.
So with my resolution of giving this project one hour a day, I should be able to share the entire 1994-1996 diary* with you before the end of January 2024.
And it is expected to be for sale March 2024.
The books I’ll be publishing next are:
1.Reboot – a hero’s journey. Diary 2017-2019
2.I M NOT CHANGING MY FUCKING SHOW
* ABOUT THE DIARY 1994-1996
In summer 2019, I started keeping a fictionalized diary, as a 25 year old younger version of me. Events that happened in 2019 found their way into the diary, translated to their late 20th century reality.
And I also absolutely, intended to LIVE, like it was 1994!
But this is a hard thing to do, I feel I am still (2023) learning there…. but that is my endgame;
To LIVE like it’s the turn of the century.
It was/is an amazing project, and to this day I consider the diary entries it produced on my main blog, my best and certainly my most interesting work, because it combines performance art (living in the 20th century) with diary writing, leaving ample room for fiction.
In 2021, I harvested the diary posts I had so far, with the intention of creating a published diary out of it. Two actually, volume 1 and 2, but I decided to put them in one bind.
But I abandoned the project in spring 2022, losing complete touch with the project….
December 2023, I have picked up publishing this amazing work, of vintage erotica.